Q1: What exactly is Transocial about?
A:
Transocial is a way of living, embedded within radical authenticity, vulnerability and radical acceptance; it’s a way to live free of the confines of outdated conditioning. It’s primarily focused on how we relate with others and moves us beyond performative, fear based, transactional connection.
Put another way, it’s the removal of all the fluff and noise and static we accumulate from society—where:
- fluff = expectation, often dressed up to feel warm and fuzzy;
- noise = a cacophony of emotions—often leaving us feeling reactive or passive—as a result of outsourcing our agency;
- static = all the things we learn and pick up from others, affecting our behaviour—it’s our conditioning—the kind of stuff that likes to stick around and is hard to discharge.
Plainly:
We offer a way of relating, to yourself and others, that honours agency over attachment, presence over performance, and autonomy over social expectation. It’s not a healing method, brand, or belief system. It’s a lens you can use to reclaim your emotional landscape, your boundaries, and stop outsourcing your safety.
If you’ve ever felt like love and vulnerability became a performance, Transocial might feel like a return home.
Q2: How is Transocial different from other modalities of healing?
A:
Therapy:
Transocial isn’t therapy. It doesn’t aim to fix or diagnose. We just help you name what’s real and walk with you as you remove the layers.
Polyamory / Monogamy:
Transocial isn’t a relationship style. It’s a philosophical underpinning that can influence any relational architecture. You are free to relate however feels good for you and others.
Coaching:
No goals. No client funnel. Just a raw, co-created space where presence, not performance, is the offer. We help walk you back to you through asking questions; you already have the answers.
Q3: Does this mean being Transocial allows us to do what we want, even if it hurts other people?
A:
Yes. And No.
Yes. In that you are free to act according to your truth.
No. In that we do not promote careless harm or disregard.
At its core, being a self-led Transocial Being means embodying qualities that are inherently human—kindness, honesty, love, awareness and generosity as guiding principles for how we treat and conduct ourselves. At the same time, it means allowing ourselves to show up as messy, imperfect, and real. Sometimes, in showing up authentically, we may unintentionally hurt others — and that’s okay. It’s human. It’s part of life. Ultimately, other people’s emotions are not our responsibility.
However, we also treat others in the same manner we treat ourselves; with kindness, honesty, love, awareness and generosity. It’s about honouring yourself while kindly delivering your truth and, if you feel moved to or have the capacity for, holding that person while they tend to their hurt—because that’s a kind and loving thing to do.
Q4: Is Transocial anti-connection or anti-relationship?
A:
No. We celebrate connection, but we do see it differently to mainstream ideals. We believe connection and relationship should be based on personal freedom, truth and acceptance of self and others—not fear, control or dependency; this is not to shame those of us who started out this way. We believe connection flourishes when people are in a space of love by choice, not by need, greed or fear.
Q5: What is emotional autonomy?
A:
It’s the ability to create, maintain, and nourish your own emotional safety, love, and internal peace, without depending on the behaviour, presence or validation of others. It is living from a place of wholeness rather than using external sources to soothe what we don’t want to, or find too difficult to face.
Q6: So is Transocial against co-regulation? Or being there for others?
A:
Not at all.
Ultimately, we believe, first and foremost, self-ownership of our emotional landscape is treated as priority.
However, we believe co-regulation is important, more so when we are going through the stages of healing historical trauma and attachment wounds. When co-regulation becomes the first line of defence or when it’s wrapped in dependency, expectation or maladaptive behaviour, it then becomes a problem for all involved.
Being Transocial might look like holding others—and being held— through felt emotions without fixing or taking responsibility for the person or the feelings—and only when we have the capacity to do so.
Q7: What do you mean when you say ‘transactional connection’?
A:
Transactional connection basically means we do things only when we get something in return. For example: I give love when you give me safety. It might sound like the normal thing to do, but it perpetuates dependency, inauthenticity and often results in exhaustion and resentment from having to perform, rather than be, especially when we don’t get back what we put in. We stop being transactional when we meet others at who they are—not what they give—and all involved are emotionally autonomous.
Q8: What is the Transocial view on love?
A:
Love, from a Transocial lens, is born from Self; love is a state of being, it is not something that is external from us. It’s a living, breathing phenomenon. It begins and ends within us and it flows. In our most natural state, beneath all the trauma and relational wounds, we are love. It is something we embody.
If love is controlled, owned, traded, manipulated, coerced, caged, earned or owed—it is not love.
We mistakenly view others as being responsible for the love we feel, as if they came along and gave us the ability to love. Love isn’t alive in us because of others. It may have awakened after being around them, but they are merely reminding us of the innate capacity of our base nature—we are love.
We fall ‘in love’ and feel this natural Self state and objectify it as the person we ‘love’. But they are not the love we feel. Nor are they responsible for us feeling this love. “I love you” has become a string of endless to-do’s—tick boxes and hidden meaning beneath the overused phrase—where love, in this context, is a verb; when did love become an act of doing?
We can feel love (in Self). And we can care for others. The two are not mutually exclusive, nor does one validate the other. Yet, from a place of love we naturally care for others.
We meet others from a place of love, in Self. They do the same. That is connection.
Q9: How am I supposed to be vulnerable if I don’t feel safe?
A:
To be vulnerable means to open ourselves to being wounded.
Period.
Vulnerability isn’t transactional. It is a decision we make and a state we allow ourselves to be in for others to witness.
Our vulnerability isn’t something we give to others to take care of. Our vulnerability is our responsibility. If it gets bruised, that is on us. That is the decision we made. We label others as ‘safe’ or ‘unsafe’, ‘good’ or ‘bad’—we strip them into a binary existence and fail to see the grey areas.
There is a difference between somebody who is unsafe, safe, and ‘safe enough’:
- Unsafe: someone who doesn’t respect you.
- Safe: There is no such thing. We are all messy humans and we all make mistakes that hurt others.
- ‘Safe Enough’: Someone who respects you, but is also human, messy and self-led—in truth and respect.
We will never find the level of safety we seek—the kind that shields us from our demons and guards us from pain. To be vulnerable means to be prepared to be hurt; safety from pain is a lie we search for in others and when it goes wrong we blame them and call it betrayal. This narrative needs to change.
Q10: You keep mentioning freedom, how does this relate to relationship styles and are you promoting non-monogamy?
A:
There is beauty in both monogamy and non-monogamy.
Though, and it’s unfortunate, a lot of people seek monogamy because it’s the only relational architecture they know; or they seek refuge from having to face the stuff that hurts; or they need to control their environment and the people in it. This strips the beauty of monogamy. Just because we partner up with one person, we still get to live and love freely because we get to be alive on this shared planet.
Similarly, there are those who choose non-monogamy because it seems like a good excuse to have sex with many people while avoiding the responsibility of relationship. Non-monogamy, although free by nature, can easily turn into selfishness and avoidance.
The freedom Transocial speaks of is individual freedom; to live, to be, to experience life—without feeling obligated, owned or controlled. It’s the freedom to show up just as we are—messy, alive, curious and beautiful.
Q11: I’ve heard about ‘zero effort’ relationships and being Transocial sounds a lot like that. Is there a difference?
A:
I am so glad you asked.
YES! Absolutely.
The “zero effort” relationship pattern in pop psychology often describes a connection that feels easy, natural, and drama-free, where you don’t have to chase, perform, or constantly negotiate to feel loved or safe. While this very much sounds like what Transocial speaks about, “zero effort” promotes passive relating—where ease is mistaken for truth, and discomfort is seen as a red flag, not as an opportunity for growth.
We do not seek effortless connection, we seek honest connection, even if that means things get messy and difficult. It’s not about removing effort, it’s about removing the unnecessary fluff and noise born from transactional, performative relating and where we outsource our emotional safety.
Pop psychology teaches that a connection is right when it feels easy. Transocial challenges this view where we believe connection is true when it feels real—even if that truth is uncomfortable.
Effort is necessary. Effort is sacred.
Authentic connection isn’t always comfortable, but it’s always true.
Q12: On the surface, Transocial and Relationship Anarchy (RA) look the same. How are they different?
Transocial can be viewed as ‘relationship anarchy-friendly’ because its internal philosophy of radical self-responsibility and self-ownership naturally supports the freedom and non-hierarchical aspects that RA promotes. However, Transocial goes further by focusing on the psychological journey back to an natural vulnerable state; genuine freedom in relating is born from from an internal, unconditional sense of self, rather than purely from the external restructuring of relationships.
While relationship anarchy might provide the blueprint for building a different kind of house, Transocial offers a deeper understanding of the internal foundation of that house. With Transocial, true freedom comes from reclaiming one’s true self, making external relational dynamics a reflection of internal wholeness rather than a source of it.
RA is a framework for structuring relationships. It offers guidelines for how people can break free from traditional relational hierarchies and societal norms to build their own unique connections. It is fundamentally about the architecture of relating. We salute and promote this at Transocial as it’s a step in a beautiful direction toward freedom.
Transocial is a philosophy of being within relationships. It goes deeper than just structuring, focusing on, and taking responsibility for, one’s internal psychological and emotional state. It’s about returning to a natural self-state of vulnerability, radical responsibility, and emotional autonomy, which then informs how one relates. It’s about the inner landscape of relating and how that translates to outer interactions.
- Relationship anarchy provides a “how-to” guide for unconventional relationship structures. Transocial, while offering practical applications, primarily focuses on the “why” — the fundamental human psychological and biological basis for authentic relating. We put weight into the return to a whole self, rather than building something entirely new.
- Transocial makes a radical claim that “when trust of self is optimal, trusting in others remains optional”. While RA values trust, it’s often discussed in the context of building reliable and consensual agreements between people. While these aspects are very important and valid, Transocial shifts the primary locus of safety and trust firmly back to the self.
- Transocial’s core premise that vulnerability is an innate state to be remembered differs from RA, which more subtly assumes a willingness to be vulnerable within its framework of open communication; it doesn’t necessarily delve into the deeper psychological origins of why vulnerability might be suppressed.
Q13: Is Transocial just another self-help movement?
A:
Only in that we honour Self with full acceptance; not to improve who we are. It’s not about endless self-improvement or perpetual emotional balancing. There are plenty of teachers out there to help you do all of that—but to love who we are now and give ourselves full permission to live.
So yes, we help the Self. Yes, it may become a movement, who knows. But Transocial is here only to remind you that you are already whole. Through radically accepting ourselves as we are, we realise we do not need fixing.
Q14: Has Transocial gained influence from other teachers?
A:
Yes. We have learned from many people and many traditions. From Buddhism and other spiritual practices to somatic practices grounded in science. We also draw a lot from our own intuition—which is why we seek to remove ourselves from the many resources out there that keep us in a cycle of dependency, even if that is dressed as ‘healing’.
Q15: If I want to start living like a Transocial Being, where do I even begin?
A:
(Can’t help but see Transocialite when I see ‘Transocial being’)
Start by coming home to yourself. How? By being aware of how you’re showing up and by removing the ways that don’t feel good.
Reclaim your emotional autonomy. How? Take responsibility for your emotions. No one is here to save you or keep you safe. No one but you.
Practice conscious vulnerability—with someone who is ‘safe enough’. It takes courage. And yes, it’s really difficult. But the pay off is huge!
Learn to witness others as dynamic beings, not static or fixed. Get used to not being in control. Of anything. Other than your words and actions. The sooner you can do this, the sooner things will shift.
And when you’re ready, walk with others who honour truth, freedom, and the infinite abundance of love.
We will soon be offering courses, conversations, resources, and community spaces to walk with you on this journey — but the first step? That is within you.
We are here to walk with you.
Want to explore this further or support the path?
Contact us or buy me a coffee.