The Transocial Blog

  • The wolf in sheep’s clothing: When detachment is dressed as freedom

    As I search for a simpler, more honest way to connect with others, removing the chaos and masks, I walked between the extremes of over-giving and detachment and almost lost my compassion, and myself. We live in a world where safety and emotional regulation are outsourced, where love is a word stacked with hidden agendas…

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  • Where the butterflies live – The grief of becoming

    As I type I am in the midst of death and I’m scared. I worry I am taking the wrong turn. For decades all I’ve known is self-abandonment, codependence and attachment troubles. I was what is called a serial monogamist, jumping from one relationship to the next without much break between, if at all. On…

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  • The rescue fantasy and the Self I almost abandoned

    When does the maintenance of our emotions or nervous system become somebody’s job? And if we’re outsourcing our sense of safety to them, can they still show up in the truth of who they are?? I used to believe someone who is caring and emotionally available meant being the one to help stabilise my emotional…

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  • The true price of modern vulnerability

    What happens when authenticity becomes a reward instead of a way of being? In most circles, including the fields of trauma healing, spirituality, psychology and sociology, we are taught to be emotionally vulnerable once we establish trust. And we establish trust by monitoring how other people show up according to our requirements and needs; it’s…

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  • Am I Avoiding, or Am I Awakening?

    As I dive deeper into my personal philosophy on how we relate to others in ways that keep us feeling victimised and powerless and how to live more freely, I can’t help but wonder if all this is just a way for my sneaky ‘parts’ to step back into the painful trap of fearful-avoidance. Or…

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